For Your Own Good, the contemporary classic exploring the serious Alice Miller continues where she left off in Drama of a Gifted Child. This book has given . for her books on child abuse by their own parents, translated into several From Alice Miller's FOR YOUR OWN GOOD: HIDDEN CRUELTY IN CHILD-. Alice Miller's stories portray abused and silenced children who later become For Your Own Good and Thou Shalt Not Be Aware continued to focus on the child .
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FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. Hidden cruelty in child-rearing and the roots of violence . ALICE MILLER. Preface to the American Edition. THIS BOOK is appearing in. Editorial Reviews. ronaldweinland.info Review. Miller explores the backgrounds of extreme cases of I ran into Alice Miller's For Your Own Good: Hidden cruelty in child-rearing and the roots of violence shortly after it was published in an English . For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence [ Alice Miller, Hildegarde Hannum, Hunter Hannum] on ronaldweinland.info *FREE*.
Mary E. Pharis, For Your Own Good: By Alice Miller. New York: Most users should sign in with their email address.
Original Title. Other Editions Friend Reviews. To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up. To ask other readers questions about For Your Own Good , please sign up. May I please read this book NOW? See 1 question about For Your Own Good…. Lists with This Book. Community Reviews. Showing Rating details. Sort order. Feb 11, Larry Strattner rated it it was amazing. My mother used to say,"We are all victims of victims. Miller's logic and her view of the roots of vi My mother used to say,"We are all victims of victims.
Miller's logic and her view of the roots of violence are clear and well drawn.
She notes with particular clarity one of the great enablers of this disease, silence, from society, witnesses and the abused themselves, which allow the sickness to incubate and spread.
A potential reader should not make the mistake of supposing Ms. Miller's analyses of causes and effects are somehow dated since the text is now more than thirty years old. In reality we consistently see examples that could well be Miller's in current news reports. This book is clear and easy reading. Miller is concise in her recounting of both her facts and her analyses.
And yet the book is not easy to read. It is disturbing, depressing and at times sickening. It is a cautionary tale for anyone seeking paths to a better world, a management tool, as it were, for one of our most precious resources, our children.
Apr 29, Aimee J Martin rated it really liked it. This is an older book written in that I came across sitting on the floor of a dusty, old used book store. This book focuses on the origins of violence and hidden cruelty in child-rearing and the roots of violence. Amazingly, this book was written in and expresses that 'everyone should read this book who is troubled by what is happening to our world and to our children..
I would love to hear what Alice Miller has to say now in Jun 23, Katrina Dreamer rated it really liked it Shelves: I read this for a class on ancestry. My teacher recommended it because I have German ancestry, and this book was one of the most illuminating I've read in a long time. It helped me understand my upbringing in the light of German culture, and the culture my great-grandparents, grandparents, and even ancestors earlier, were raised in. I highly recommend this book for anyone with German, or even Scandanavian or European roots.
May 06, Rita rated it it was amazing Shelves: After having it on my shelf for years, I finally read this book, truly amazing.
Psychoanalyst Alice Miller explains clearly [even in translation: This is her explanation for Hitler and those who collaborated with him and it is convincing. She quotes extensively from 19c [German: Someone raised in this way will usually act accordingly their whole life and raise their own children the same way.
Absolutely frightening. I realized later that I had not accurately represented psychoanalyst Alice Miller's argument in explaining how Hitler and those who collaborated with him could possibly have done what they did. I suggested it was adhering too strictly to rules, but that is not correct. Someone raised in this way will usually act accordingly their whole life and raise their own children the same way, she argues.
It was not too many rules, but rather that the child was beaten time after time by an enraged parent for any reason or for no reason. Nothing the child could do, or refrain from doing, made any difference. The parent would still unpredictably become enraged and the child learned to expect merciless punishment and humiliation. Shockingly, the child-rearing manuals literally advocate humiliating the young child, among other measures meant to mold the child into a person who never questions authority but always obeys blindly.
The Drama of the Gifted Child: My guess is that 'drama' in the title is a mistranslation for 'tragedy' I highly recommend this book for anyone with German, or even Scandinavian or European roots. It helped me become aware of and process the hurts I had experienced as a child at the hands of well-meaning parents and teachers. In turn this helped me become aware of my own tendencies to repeat these patterns, and made it easier to be more kind, loving and patient as a mother.
Thanks for your qualification. I have read many articles that say that speak to the severe punishment for little or no reason as only feeding the parent's ego and establishing the parent's dominance.
This succeeds in destroying the child's self-worth and perpetrating the same behavior on the next generation. Cruelty and abuse certainly are not the answer.
In my opinion the best of Alice Miller's writing, it provides a well researched analysis of child rearing manuals over the centuries and their impact on our attitudes and behaviour towards children. It shows us that values change and that we can change if we want to.
I would make this compulsory reading for all would-be teachers. Aug 27, Heather rated it it was ok. On recommendation from my therapist.
Luckily for me, this copy was heavily marked up so it was easy to skip around to the juicy bits. Jul 16, Margaret Lozano rated it it was amazing. Alice Miller seems to be a bit of a polarizing figure, which isn't too surprising, since she manages to basically upend the entire history of pedagogy in her work. This is the first of her books I've read, but I was so fascinated that I decided to dig a bit deeper, and discovered that likely one reason her books are challenging to find in English, at least , is probably because of her complicated relationship with her son, Martin Miller, who is also a psychotherapist.
Much of Martin's life seem Alice Miller seems to be a bit of a polarizing figure, which isn't too surprising, since she manages to basically upend the entire history of pedagogy in her work.
Much of Martin's life seems to have been destroyed by his mother's inability to practice what she preaches in her books. Martin was abused by his father when he was young, and argues that his mother turned a blind eye. Personally, I don't find it terribly surprising though it is, of course, disappointing. Miller was a holocaust survivor who dedicated her life to her work, and seems to have largely neglected her only child.
Some readers may be surprised - or even incredulous - at the idea that someone who wrote so passionately about listening to children could have neglected her own so terribly.
Alas, this is often the case, and as Martin so brilliantly puts it, he was both destroyed by his mothers work, and saved by it there's an excellent article entitled "The Trauma of a Gifted Child Whose Mother Was Alice Miller"in Haaretz that I highly recommend.
In the article, Martin writes "On the one hand, I suffered a great deal from my mother, but on the other hand, she provided me with the information about how to survive in that relationship, and that is wonderful. That is the tension that existed in our relations.
In truth, I was somewhat surprised she chose to have a child at all, given that her book seems to make the cycle of violence and narcissistic projection of one's own feelings onto helpless children seem almost unavoidable. Her own son knows this all too well. Miller's failures as a parent do not discredit the value of her work - if anything, they demonstrate the deep complexity of human relations and the great tragedy of family violence and childhood neglect.
The book contains descriptions of violent scenes, often of a sexual nature. I was personally triggered more by this book than any I have ever read, and I would caution anyone who is either overly empathetic or who has experienced childhood abuse to tread with caution! View 2 comments.
Sep 11, Pierian rated it really liked it. Although this book was written in the historical context of an older generation of parents and children, Miller intuits important psychological insights that are supported by current research. The writing and choice of case studies sometimes seems overwrought, and a large section is devoted to Adolf Hitler's childhood and the impact of Nazism which came as a surprise to me , yet many of Miller's insights can be applied to a more general population.
A worthwhile read for those interested in psyc Although this book was written in the historical context of an older generation of parents and children, Miller intuits important psychological insights that are supported by current research.
A worthwhile read for those interested in psychology or child development. Jul 29, Julie rated it really liked it. Those that most need to read it Apr 06, Bethtub rated it it was amazing Recommends it for: This is 'must read' material for anyone looking to quell oppressive dynamics.
It changed my life and capacity to see various oppressions stemming from personal experiences, as well as how they model each other i.
Sep 29, Gea rated it liked it Recommends it for: So far the entire first third of the book is excerpts from writings about 'parenting' from Germany around Shows how horrible parents were supposed to raise their kids.
I am having a hard time getting through reading all of it - not only because it is sickening - but because Miller hasn't begun writing herself or getting to the point yet. The second half should get better and to the point I would expect!
After skipping some of the graphic part in the beginning So far the entire first third of the book is excerpts from writings about 'parenting' from Germany around After skipping some of the graphic part in the beginning, it is getting a lot better. After this harsh beginning Miller is talking more and it is interesting - and she is pulling up a lot of research on Nazi Germany and how the Nazi's were raised.
She is getting to the point, it seems, that when parents repress the emotions of their children and when parents do not let children express themselves, the consequences to varying degrees, obviously can be very, very bad. View all 4 comments. Jul 25, Rhonda Rae Baker rated it it was amazing Shelves: This explained why the Commandment "Honor thy parents" was one of the main targets in Miller's school of psychology.
It was her contention that the majority of therapists fear this truth and that they work under the influence of interpretations culled from both Western and Oriental religions, which preach forgiveness by the once-mistreated child.
She believed that the unconscious command of the individual, not to be aware of how he or she was treated in childhood, led to displacement : the irresistible drive to repeat abusive parenting in the next generation of children or direct unconsciously the unresolved trauma against others war , terrorism , delinquency.
The roots of violence[ edit ] According to Alice Miller, worldwide violence has its roots in the fact that children are beaten all over the world, especially during their first years of life, when their brains become structured.
Cruelty to children was an unacknowleged procedure. Psychotherapy with psychotic patients invariably discovered abuse dating back to infancy, and recovery required maternal nursing care to fill the damaged part of the psyche, the right brain.
The following is a brief summary of Miller's books. The Drama of the Gifted Child Das Drama des begabten Kindes, [ edit ] In her first book also published under the titles Prisoners of Childhood and The Drama of Being a Child , Miller defined and elaborated the personality manifestations of childhood trauma.
She addressed the two reactions to the loss of love in childhood, depression and grandiosity ; the inner prison, the vicious circle of contempt , repressed memories , the etiology of depression, and how childhood trauma manifests itself in the adult. According to prevailing, general attitudes these people--the pride of their parents--should have had a strong stable sense of self-assurance. But exactly the opposite is the case In my work with these people, I found that every one of them has a childhood history that seems significant to me: There was a mother who at the core was emotionally insecure, and who depended for her narcissistic equilibrium on the child behaving, or acting, in a particular way.
This mother was able to hide her insecurity from the child and from everyone else behind a hard, authoritarian and even totalitarian facade. This child had an amazing ability to perceive and respond intuitively, that is, unconsciously, to this need of the mother or of both parents, for him to take on the role that had unconsciously been assigned to him.
This role secured "love" for the child—that is, his parents' exploitation. He could sense that he was needed, and this need, guaranteed him a measure of existential security.
This ability is then extended and perfected. Later, these children not only become mothers confidantes, advisers, supporters of their own mothers, but also take over the responsibility for their siblings and eventually develop a special sensitivity to unconscious signals manifesting the needs of others. Children learn to accept their parents' often abusive behaviour against themselves as being "for their own good. For Miller, the traditional pedagogic process was manipulative, resulting in grown-up adults deferring excessively to authorities, even to tyrannical leaders or dictators , like Hitler.
Miller even argued for abandoning the term "pedagogy" in favor of the word "support," something akin to what psychohistorians call the helping mode of parenting. The key element that Miller elucidated in this book was the understanding of why the German nation, the "good Germans," were compliant with Hitler's abusive regime, which Miller asserted was a direct result of how the society in general treated its children.
She raised fundamental questions about current, worldwide child-rearing practices and issued a stern warning. Thou Shalt Not Be Aware Du sollst nicht merken, [ edit ] Unlike Miller's later books, this one is written in a semi-academic style.