Modern Romance: An Investigation is a research book written by American actor and stand-up comedian Aziz Ansari and American sociologist and New York. download Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari (ISBN: ) from site's Book Store. Everyday low prices and free delivery on eligible orders. Aziz Ansari: comedian, actor, author social scientist?! What we learned from his new book Modern Romance.
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Modern Romance [Aziz Ansari, Eric Klinenberg] on ronaldweinland.info The Fate of Romance over Time (Norton Professional Books (Paperback)) by Stephen A. Modern Romance book. Read reviews from the world's largest community for readers. Now a New York Times BestsellerA hilarious, thoughtful, and in-d. In , comedian Aziz Ansari published a book with sociologist Eric I read and wrote about “Modern Romance” when it came out; and I read.
Oh no, Tanya has died. This is the first book by Mr. What is texting doing to our lives? Why is it O. How likely are you to introduce someone you met on Tinder to your parents? Ansari, who is 32 and now enjoys a healthy textual relationship with a steady girlfriend, might not be the first person who springs to mind when it comes to dispensing romantic advice.
Popular Features. New Releases. Modern Romance. Now we spend years of our lives searching for our perfect soul mate and, thanks to dating apps, mobile phones and social media, we have more romantic options than ever before in human history.
Yet we also have to confront strange new dilemmas, such as what to think when someone is too busy to reply to a text but has time to post a photo of their breakfast on Instagram.
And if we have so many more options, why aren't people any less frustrated? For years, American comedian Aziz Ansari has been aiming his comic insight at dating and relationships, and in Modern Romance, he teams up with award-winning sociologist Eric Klinenberg to investigate love in the age of technology. They enlisted some of the world's leading social scientists, conducted hundreds of interviews, analyzed the behavioural data, and researched dating cultures from Tokyo to Buenos Aires to New York City.
The result is an unforgettable picture of modern love, combining Ansari's irreverent humour with cutting-edge social science. Review Text Entertaining and illuminating I couldn't believe how quickly he just moved on.
Imagine Derek of twenty years ago, finding out that this beautiful, charming woman wanted to date him. If she was in a bar and smiled at him, Derek of would have melted.
He wouldn't have walked up and said, "Oh, wait, you like the Red Sox? No thank you! But Derek of just clicked an X on a Web browser tab and deleted her without thinking twice, like a J. Crew sweatshirt that didn't live up to his expectations upon seeing a larger picture. His parents both work in media, and every year he goes to the Westminster Dog Show at Madison Square Garden and finds his way backstage through a combination of walking with a purpose and flashing media credentials his parents help with.
Talk about impressing a first date! We then bought wine, which they served out of sippy cups, and made a drinking game out of the dog show. Take a drink every time a dog jumps when it's not supposed to, and so on.
That sounds fun! One woman told us: We got back together six years later, and then he broke up with me over text message. I should probably stop dating him. Aziz Ansari reminds me of a bright younger brother, or perhaps energetic cousin, who you enjoy having around but at some point--maybe every hour, depending on what he's drinking or ingesting--you feel like telling, "All right, settle down, settle down.
In addition to traveling to Tokyo and Buenos Aires for a look at two of the most extreme dating climates in the world--one where men have their libidos set to 1 and another where masculinity is cranked up to I got the most value from the focus groups with senior citizens. I could easily see this book being expanded into a television program, where Ansari meets people of different groups in different cities to talk about romance. It's colorful, analytical and thought provoking, whether you're single like me, or in a committed relationship and curious what's going on out there, the same way I enjoy watching nature programs though I'm uninterested in hunting game on the plains.
My experience with modern romance is we do have so many choices and are in such a hurry to find the One but that the relationships that have been most memorable for me were those where I took the time to get to know someone in spite of ourselves. The Internet can so easily reduce the process of meeting people to ordering patio furniture, but people are not products, and my most meaningful relationships have been with women who weren't my "type" and vice-versa.
Somehow we unplugged ourselves from the matrix and made a connection, but it's not easy. It makes me appreciate those relationships I've had so much more. This thoughtful and fun book reinforced that. View all 35 comments. Nov 05, Diane rated it really liked it Shelves: Aziz Ansari is a funny guy. I've enjoyed his work as an actor and a comedian, so I shouldn't have been surprised when I really liked his book. But I was surprised, especially when I learned that he had teamed up with a sociologist and did actual research on modern romance.
Aziz was interested in how technology has changed dating culture, and he opens the book with a funny story about a girl, Tanya, who didn't text him back after he had asked her out. He realizes that texting and social media and Aziz Ansari is a funny guy. He realizes that texting and social media and dating apps and emojis have become increasingly important in dating and relationships, and he and a sociologist set out to research the subject.
For example, they conducted interviews with people from a wide variety of ages and backgrounds, and they even traveled to other countries to get some international data on romance. One aspect of their research I found especially interesting was that online dating sites and apps, such as Match. It makes it harder for some people to choose someone, because there are always more profiles to check. One woman told the story of how she would check Tinder before going a date, just in case she saw someone more interesting than the guy she was supposed to meet.
I also liked the perspective of elderly folks who were interviewed. Overwhelmingly, the women who got married young wished they hadn't been pressured to find a husband so quickly.
Even in cases where the women had relatively happy marriages, they felt a sense of loss because they didn't get a chance to experience being single in their 20s, or have time to live independently, without relying on a parent or a husband to support them. I love sociology, and I thought this book was a delightful blend of Aziz's humor and sociological insights. I listened to this on audio, and Aziz was a very funny performer.
He had me laughing within the first minute, and this book made a long road trip seem very short. I would recommend it to anyone interested in the sociology of dating, or who also wants a good laugh.
View all 8 comments. Aug 07, Sarah Jane rated it really liked it Shelves: I think Aziz Ansari just convinced me to get on Tinder? View all 3 comments. Jun 19, emma rated it really liked it Shelves: I have the biggest crush on Aziz Ansari. Can anyone blame me? What a track record.
I could never claim to be unbiased on this subject. I am destined for an exis i posted, i posted, i posted! So now that you know I cannot be trusted, we can get into this. This is, by the way, contrary to my typical off-the-charts levels of trustworthiness.
Now, you may be thinking, Emma, despite your claims of general trustworthiness, I do not trust you. I do not listen to audiobooks; I prefer Books with Pages.
That is why I am here, on this site, generally dedicated to Books. With Pages. And I hear ya, voice-of-an-imaginary-reader-that-is-becoming-a-motif-in-my-reviews. Previously, I was just like you. Insert gasp from the crowd here. And that they would be expiring shortly. And so I lived my best extreme-couponer life, and posted a status asking for recommendations. Sofi came THRU. Thanks again, Sofi.
In my initial review, I gave this book three-ish stars. Because he reads it. And riffs. And jokes about the laziness of audiobook listeners. This is particularly fabulous for me, as someone who read the book first, because I get to laugh pretentiously and condescendingly - which is my favorite kind of laughter. The whole thing is great and I love it so much. And on TOP of it, discuss the history of romance and the changes that led us here.
They had to place some limits on it. Unfortunately, these limits mean we mostly hear about the Tinder-esque romances formed by straight American twentysomethings. But I understand the need to focus on a niche.
Klinenberg and Ansari visited several other countries to try to get a more global concept, and IT. Honestly I want the two of them to write a million books like this. Just explain every aspect of society and culture to me via six-hour audiobook, Aziz.
So that was a lil upsetting. Bottom line: View 1 comment.
Dec 16, Philip rated it really liked it Shelves: Do not feel obligated to read it in its entirety, but c'mon it's kind of entertaining. Surprisingly not as funny, but much more insightful than I expected. I guess I figured this would be Master of None in book form with Ansari chronicling specific experiences he's had that reflect dating culture today. Don't get me wrong, there's plenty of humor, and Ansari does throw in a few auto-biographical accounts, bu 4ish stars.
Don't get me wrong, there's plenty of humor, and Ansari does throw in a few auto-biographical accounts, but it ends up being more of an impressive examination, complete with sociologists, research studies, etc. This is compared with norms of the past, showing the way changes in society and technology have shaped the evolution of modern romance.
I'll give you a little glimpse into my humdrum relationship history as I detail my exploits as they apply to some of the points made in this book, and you can compare with your own.
Names have been changed to protect the innocent. During high school and for long after there was only one girl who could be considered my "girlfriend" even if I have always refused to use that term because it feels cheesy and immature and ugly in my mouth, something about all those consonants mushing together - gi rlfr iend.
This was at the end of my junior year of high school - we were in volleyball class together, she asked me to the "girls pref" dance, we held hands, and after a few weeks of hanging out, during which time we made it "official," I had my first kiss at It took me 30 minutes of awkwardly lying silently next to her at a park knowing full well she expected me to kiss her, but being too scared to dive in, before I finally bucked up the courage and gave her a fairly chaste kiss.
Having gotten the hard part out of the way, I went in for a second, at which point she sucked me in, tongue and all. Her first words afterward were "you should open your mouth more. When asked how many girls I had kissed, I replied "just a few. After a brief period of bitterness, we remained good friends. A few years later, her boyfriend at the time left the country for a while, and since we were good friends , we would hang out together.
In her bed. Until after watching a particularly emotional episode of One Tree Hill we ended up having a NCMO non-committal make out until she started crying. Our tryst ended shortly after. Relevant points: Mobile phones and texting had just started becoming accessible and prevalent among younger common folk like myself. Texting was T9 and I had to monitor my activity because unlimited texting wasn't an option for anyone but the high class. I remember texting being so cool at the time.
It hadn't yet taken over lives and transformed communication but it was novel and exciting chatting with friends even if there wasn't much substance beyond "hey wassup" "im good u? So I never actually experienced dating without cell phones and texting. A couple years earlier, right before starting high school, I moved to a different state and these were the only easy ways to keep in contact with old friends. AIM chat rooms could also be utilized as cesspools for carnal desire, internet sex, and the dawn of catfishing, but that wasn't my style.
Myspace was a serious thing and I seem to remember it as being considered kind of edgy at first. My parents refused to let me get a Myspace so I had to keep mine secret. Again, it was fun to connect with friends, post comments, expect replies, and cause scandals based on who was selected as a "top eight friend" or whatever it was. It was also used by some as a way to hook up.
Similarly, I eventually didn't want to be with her anymore, but didn't have the guts to say so and breaking up over text would have been seriously uncool. So I ignored her texts until she forced my hand. I am not proud of myself. I also couldn't decide whether I should have felt guilty about making out with her while her kind-of boyfriend was in another country.
I ended up meeting Mildred after moving in with a buddy who was very social and outgoing. So the opposite of me. But I kind of became social by association? We had people over all the time and somehow I became kind of cool because my house was the cool place to be. I had a fairly wide circle of friends and Mildred somehow entered that circle despite her being way out of the circle's league.
She was not even on my radar until I realized we were flirting a lot and she was giving me a lot of signs and making it really easy for me to ask her out.
I was a giant dork, and ridiculously immature, while she had poise and beauty and confidence, so it was inevitable that things wouldn't last long. I tried so hard to be "romantic" and to make things special, so even after we were "official," I didn't even kiss her for a long time because I was waiting for the perfect Hallmark moment. In hindsight this was stupid and naive and I wish I would have moved things a lot faster.
After three months my longest relationship until marriage , she ended things very maturely, in person, while I was completely oblivious to the fact that our relationship had been gradually declining for a while.
She gave an excuse that I could never determine the legitimacy of, and let me down gently by suggesting that we "take a break," leaving a hypothetical door open, even though we both knew the door would never be used again. We remained friends and continued to hang out in the same crowd. Social media could be accessed at any second and the obsessiveness with likes and comments began.
Texting had become my preferred mode of communication; I had conversations of increasing depth and took my time crafting the perfect messages.
I also started playing the game of not texting back for the same amount of time it took to receive my last reply. I never answered calls unless it was family, or I was expecting a call, and even then preferred to ignore calls and text back instead. It all went downhill from there. Everyone I told this to was shocked that he had taken things so far.
I remember posting things on other people's Facebook walls that I never would have in person, or even through text. Something about it being open and public made it easier, less intimate. Snapchat was the newest thing and word on the street was that it was used mainly to send dick pics.
Of course, they all cost money and I was a starving college student, so this never went anywhere. I had a legitimate conversation with maybe one person but it ended quickly. I didn't understand how dating sites could be successful for so many people. I decided that I could probably only ever date someone with whom I was already friends. Blind dates were all duds so I felt like I would need to have some kind of existing relationship in order for things to progress to a relationship.
I lucked out by having such a social roommate through whom I became friends with so many people. One word. Game changer. I ended up going on a ton of Tinder dates around this time. While simultaneously being embarrassed that I was going on a ton of Tinder dates, and making up creative alternative meet-cutes. I only ended up going on multiple dates with a handful of girls, and only one or two matches in particular turned into relationships but they were fairly solid by my standards.
Betty came about during a time when I was trying hard to go on second dates with these Tinder girls. I figured I had to give them second chances because it's hard to get to know a person in an hour or two, especially when the only thing you know you have in common is that you both liked the other person's idealized presentation of themselves. Betty evolved from a typical Tinder girl that I didn't feel much chemistry with, to a full-blown relationship.
I'm almost ashamed to admit that one of the biggest factors that led to our breakup was that she lived like 30 minutes away and I didn't want to drive out to see her. We'd switch off driving to see the other person so I only had to drive down once a week or so but I decided it wasn't worth it.
Apparently the most attractive quality in a woman for me was close proximity? In other news I finally had the guts to break up with her myself, in person even, at a Cafe Zupas.
I felt like I burned through all of those options pretty quickly and didn't know how to meet new people. Through Tinder I connected with a lot of girls.
It was brilliant. Look at someone's picture and a short blurb of how they describe themselves and make a snap judgment about whether you're interested or not. Basically the dating equivalent of Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking. The beauty was that so many people were using it that I could never run out of people to swipe through.
The downside was that all of the girls who I matched with who I thought were my type lived in the college town 30 minutes away with Betty. I still felt obligated as the dude to initiate the follow-up, but unless I was feeling it I wouldn't contact the girl again and that was that.
On the rare occasion a girl texted me after a date and I wasn't interested, I told them so, but otherwise never talked to the girls I didn't connect with again.
That I would never have a healthy relationship until I opened up and allowed a legitimate connection to develop. Wise words. We never talked again but never actually deleted each other from social media, and I occasionally stalked her to see how she was getting on.
She's now married with a kid whose face I would occasionally see on Facebook.
I ended up meeting my wife at church. Isn't that so lame and old-fashioned? My church does this thing where they set up congregations entirely composed of young, single adults, seemingly in an effort to get us to marry each other. I always thought it was ridiculous and incestuous to date people in my surrounding neighborhood, who I would otherwise see on a regular basis. Not to mention how dated and close-minded I thought it was to only go out with people of my own religion.
I had a strict policy against dating people from church. I attended for the religious aspect and because my friends went.
Also, Stacia and I did not have good first impressions of each other. I was still living with my social friend and we still had regular gatherings that led her to believe that I was a cocky douchebag who had girls fawning over me. Eventually our circles of church friends overlapped and we became comfortable with each other. She realized I was a doofus, not a playboy, and in turn assured me that those guys who claimed to have hooked up with her only wished they could have, that she would never have actually given them the time of day.
We grew to greet each other, tease each other, give each other dating advice, and set each other up with our friends. Then it was like a switch flipped. All of a sudden I realized I was in love with her, and as luck would have it, she had the same epiphany at the same time. We dated for six months before I proposed and were married six months after that. Almost three years on, I love her now more than ever.
Final thoughts: We would text each other occasionally while we were dating but it was mostly to figure out when we'd see each other next. I never really dated for fun, I dated to get into relationships. I never even kissed girls until I felt like we were sufficiently serious.
I'm pretty sure I'm quite anomalous in that regard. Looking back would I have done anything different?
Oh yeah. I would have had way many more NCMOs. I think I missed out on a lot during my single years by being so rigid. I still can't bring myself to accept the idea of being in serious relationships with multiple people at the same time, but I feel like there's no harm in going on dates with lots of people until someone special emerges. I'm fine with it, and luckily, it ended up working for me.
It's interesting looking back, pondering these things, and comparing my ideas then and now to the ideas expressed by people in this book. If nothing else, it's insightful in that regard and makes me want to force it on my single friends. Posted in Mr. Philip's Library May 25, Glenn Sumi rated it liked it Shelves: Bossypants ; okay: Modern Romance is about dating in the digital age. Getting to know people has evolved significantly even over the past few years.
Dating sites, swipe apps like Tinder and sexting are a far cry from how people used to meet — you know, through friends and family; answering personal ads; video dating, where you watch potential partners' VHS tapes!
Ansari has teamed up with NYU sociology professor Eric Klinenberg for the book, so there are many quotes from experts and plenty of facts, figures and even some graphs.
There are also lots of jokey elements, like dorky photos Ansari imagines what his online stalker looks like and fake footnotes okay, I laughed at a silly Betty Friedan footnote. A few years ago I saw Ansari perform live, during the time he was doing research.
He draws on some of those exchanges from that tour in the book. Aziz admits at the outset that the book is primarily about heterosexual relationships and most of the research was done with middle-class people. But by far the most fascinating sections in the book are about dating practices in other countries: Qatar, Japan, France. Aziz jokes that he chose many of these cultures for their culinary offerings, but there are some sharp observations here. And the section on France opens up a big issue about monogamy and open relationships.
You know who also weighs in on open relationships? The hip-hop star Pitbull. Ansari also chronicles his own relationship history, which has gone from single to dating to seriously dating. So there are plenty of happy endings. Um, you know what I mean. Mar 03, Carmen rated it really liked it Shelves: This didn't surprise me that much, but I was surprised that younger women also expressed terror at the thought of a traditional phone call. Other girls thought it was just too forward for someone to call as the first move and said that a text would be more appropriate in general.
However, other women said receiving a phone call from a guy showed he had confidence and helped separate those men from the pack of generic "Hey wsup" texts that normally flood their messaging programs. To these women, the guys who call seem brave and mature. The phone conversations helped create a rapport that made them feel comfortable and safe enough to go out with a person they didn't know all that well. A woman who came to one of our focus groups discussed how she got so fed up with text messaging that she cut of her texting service and could only be reached by phone calls.
This woman never went on a date with a man again. No, she actually started dating someone soon afterward. She also claimed the guys who did work up the courage to call her were a better caliber of man and that she was, in effect, able to weed out a lot of the bozos. But with some women who loved phone calls, things weren't that simple.
In a rather inconvenient twist for would-be suitors, many said they loved phone calls - but had no interest in answering. For this group, voice mails provided a screening system of sorts. When they explained this, it made sense to me. If the message was from someone they'd met briefly at a bar, it let them hear the guy's voice and made it easier to sort out the creeps.
One girl raved about a nice voice mail a guy had recently left her. I kindly requested she play it and heard this gem: It's Sam. Just calling to say what's up. Gimme a ring when you get a chance. I pleaded to know what was so great about this.
She sweetly recalled that "he remembered my name, he said hi, and he told me to call him back. Name, hello, please call back. Not really a boatload of charm on display. To fail this test, a guy would have to leave a message that said: This is a man. I don't remember you. End communication. I'm not here to judge Ansari as a human being, just review his book.
It's not my place to judge the living and the dead. That being said, I want to state that I can't think of Ansari without being mildly sick to my stomach. Before I had absolutely zero feelings about Ansari whether positive or negative, and now thinking about him makes me slightly nauseous.
I simply want to make it clear that although I would love to say I completely was able to separate Ansari's actions from his book, I was not able to do so. I think especially jarring in the case with Ansari is that he seemed in the book to be sympathetic to women and understanding of women and not like someone who would pressure you into giving him a blowjob and shove his fingers in your mouth.
It's not like he wrote a detective novel, or something. On to the book. The book is surprisingly sociological and based on some form of research.
I thought it would merely be a comedic observation on modern dating life. But no, Ansari involved scientists and researchers and did some studies. One might have to put the word studies in quotes, but nevertheless.
The book is also beautiful with full color illustrations and great use of charts, graphs, and other fun colorful additions to the book. Very lovely book visually. Ansari was pretty funny. I would say about half of his jokes landed. Since he makes a ton of jokes, that is a pretty good ratio.
I laughed out loud a lot. This is a genuinely funny book. This also made me realize: The only thing sadder than holding the record for longest masturbation is realizing you lost it to someone else. Better luck next year. The herbivore sector is interested in sexual pleasure but just not interested in achieving it through traditional routes.
In their eyes, it seems, if you're so mortified at the thought of rejection by a woman, why not just jerk off in an egg and call it a day? At this point you are probably wondering: What was my top meal in Tokyo? Well, it's tough to say. I really enjoyed Sushisho Masa, a high-end sushi restaurant. However, I also really enjoyed the tasty tempura I had from the working-class vendors in Tsukiji Market.
And of course there was the ramen. To be honest, the food scene in Tokyo was way easier to understand than the singles scene. On my last night in Tokyo, I decided to keep an open mind and download a Tenga. Every stage of it was a bummer. I went into a convenience store and had to say, "Do you guys have Tengas? As I paid, I smiled and said, "Research for a book project!
Instead, she's probably convinced I'm doing some very bizarre book called Masturbating Across the Globe: One Man's Journey to Find Himself. When I got back to my hotel room, I opened the thing up and gave it a go. I was kind of excited to see if it really was masturbation taken to the next level.
Masturbation at the current level feels pretty good, so maybe this wouldn't be bad? Again, no. The experience of using an egg-shaped masturbation device was both odd and uncomfortable.
The thing you put your thing into was cold and weird. It felt like I was masturbating with a thick, cold condom on, and I didn't understand the appeal.
I think Ansari makes some wonderful points. I especially like his examination of dating cultures in different generations in the U. He talks a lot about technology and how it has affected the dating scene. Women seemed to view it as a clear indicator that a dude was a bozo. Let's say you are a handsome, charming stud who really made a great first impression.
If your first text is "Hey we shud hang out sumtimez," you may just destroy any goodwill you have built up. On our subreddit we were told a story about a man who was dating a spectacular woman but eventually broke up with her.
He said it went downhill once he texted her asking if she had heard about a party at a mutual friend's house. Her response was "Hoo? Every time, she spelled it "hoo. We did confirm that this was a woman and not an owl. The last half of the book was particularly stellar. I found Ansari to be funny and insightful. I understand, Ansari is a male, but as a woman reading it I was wondering where the women fit in as agents and self-realized people.
Women are presented as pretty passive. Men are agents. Men perform actions. Women respond to the actions, either negatively or positively. Ansari doesn't seem to understand or account for women who are acting as agents. Men approach women. Men ask women on dates. Women respond favorably or unfavorably. Men try to get women into bed. Men try to get laid. Sometimes they are successful, sometimes they aren't.
Women are presented in this book as being recipients. Or objects which forces men act upon. While Ansari is presenting men with a positive message of "be kind to women, treat women as human, treat women as humans first and sexual conquests second" - my main point here is that he seems unable to fathom or grasp that women might be the forces acting upon male objects.
This never comes up because it honestly never occurs to Ansari. Research shows that too many options can make it even harder and more difficult to make a choice. Reminds me of a little experiment outlined in an excellent book called Willpower by Roy Baumeister and John Tierney: For a column in , Tierney did a semi-scientific survey to investigate a New York phenomenon: the huge number of intelligent and attractive people who complained that it was impossible to find a romantic partner.
Manhattan had the highest percentage of single people of any county in America with the exception of some remote island in Hawaii. What was keeping these New Yorkers from find love? Turns out they were being super-picky. After comparing and contrasting singles ads placed by people in Boston, Baltimore, Chicago, LA, and NY — he found that singles in NY not only had the most choices, but were also the pickiest in listing the attributes of their desired partners.
Bottom line? Having too many options tends to make us too picky.
When we strive for perfection in trying to pick the perfect mate, we end up with no one. Quick recap: Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari When it comes to online dating, be mindful of your etiquette.