PDF Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself The healing touchstone of millions, this modern classic by one of. functional behavior to consume their own thoughts, feelings, or behavior. Melody Beattie, author of. Codependent No More, reports that codependency is an. The healing touchstone of millions, this modern classic by one of America's best- loved and most inspirational authors holds the key to understanding.
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Codependent No More PDF Summary by Melody Beattie is a thought-provoking book that unravels the causes leading to dependency and. Codependent No More: book summary and review. Get here the major takeaways of Melody Beattie best seller. Also available in PDF. Editorial Reviews. Review. In Newsweek magazine, Dr. Drew Pinsky named Melody Beattie's Codependent No More one of the four essential self-help books .
Books, Audiobooks and Summaries. It tries to address the endless struggle of a group of people who are not in the loop. It accentuates the need for combative attitude in given occasions in order to tackle the necessity for perpetual dependency. As you might know, we all share the same attachment to people or things. The problem is aroused when we fail to put our well-being in the spotlight and prefer the underdog status.
The flexibility in this process sustained by the role-changing and other emotional inconsistencies. Sometimes, when we take care of our beloved ones, we put our basic needs and interests aside. This behavior may give birth to some destructive inner patterns, and put the entire life on hold.
Sometimes, we feel like the people cannot be held accountable for their wrongdoings and we decide to the backbreaking work on their behalf. If the needs of others represent the axis around which your life spins, you are dealing with severe emotional insecurity. Every now and then, people also have this habitual tendency to play tricks in order to conceal their dependency. Why would a person do such a thing? Self-care does correlate with the attitude you have about yourself and the one you promote as a member of a certain community.
Moreover, it signifies our utmost sincerity in handling relationships and how we cope with the pressure of dealing with the issues that may crop up. Due to the fact that codependents rarely take their well-being into account, they suffer! By no means should you feel selfish in doing so! Yes, you have to acknowledge the fact that you have the right to be a first-class citizen — in your mind. The question is — how to attain a peaceful state?
A person needs to go through the five-step process listed below: A deep mental impasse also comes about when people believe that being angry is a sin. Let us lay a couple of things that codependents are convinced of: Anyway, one must not take for granted the idea of self-development into a self-reliant individual.
When feelings come rush in, handle them with your feet on the ground. The effects of codependency 2. Find your hidden battering ram 3. Educate yourself. Remaining dependent is being weak, and often people will make take full advantage of that. Stand up for yourself and focus on your well-being.
So, who will be the instigator of this change? As a matter of fact, what foreshadows a full-scale alteration? Melody believes that emotional, mental, and spiritual health can never be taught. The only thing you can do actually is to embolden a person or encourage it to take certain actions.
Codependents may: Think that they are responsible for the feelings of the other person. This sense of liability emerges in various shapes and sizes through thoughts, actions, wants, deeds, you name it. Feel overwhelming anxiety and stir up self-pity when the problem lies within the other person. Anticipate the wants and desires of their close circle. Attempt to prefer the well-being of others over themselves.
Feel no hesitation to vent their anger and rage about injustices done to others but shy away from applying that same logic in circumstances that cause disturbance to them. Feel safe and secure when they are giving rather than receiving. Feel shaky when someone takes care of them. Find themselves attracted to a needy group of individuals. Go through boredom and a sense of worthiness which induces a personal crisis.
Leave behind something they love to do in order to satisfy others. Codependents tend to: Deny any collective responsibility for their emotional and mental status. Be hard on themselves with regards to their physical, mental, emotional appearance.
Fly off the handle every once in a while, and take a defensive stance when others believe that codependents should embrace a different standpoint. Double-check or completely disregard compliments lavished upon them.
Slump in deep dejection due to lack of praise. Feel no connection to the world. Think that they are not worthy of anything, and merit no praise whatsoever. Feel insecure and often guilty when it comes to spending money on their basic needs or doing some other stuff for their Intrinsic pleasure. Dread the possibility of rejection.
Take life too personally and everything flowing in it. Have the victimhood ingrained in them as they are an easy mark for any form of abuse? The chemical dependency field was flourishing, but help focused on the addict. Literature and training on family therapy were scarce.
What did codependents need? What did they want? The alcoholic had an excuse for being so crazy—he was drunk. These significant others had no excuse.
They were this way sober. Soon, I subscribed to two popular beliefs. These crazy codependents significant others are sicker than the alcoholics.
By then, I had been sober for a while. I stopped thinking. I stopped feeling positive emotions, and I was left with rage, bitterness, hatred, fear, depression, helplessness, despair, and guilt. At times, I wanted to stop living. I had no energy. I spent most of my time worrying about people and trying to figure out how to control them.
My relationships with friends and family members were in shambles. I felt terribly victimized. I thought I was going crazy. Sadly, aside from myself, nobody knew how badly I felt. My problems were my secret. In fact, next to the alcoholics, I looked good. I was so responsible, so dependable.
After floundering in despair for a while, I began to understand. Like many people who judge others harshly, I realized I had just taken a very long and painful walk in the shoes of those I had judged.
I now understood those crazy codependents. I had become one. Gradually, I began to climb out of my black abyss. Along the way, I developed a passionate interest in the subject of codependency. As a counselor although I no longer worked full-time in the field, I still considered myself one and as a writer, my counselor was provoked.
As a flaming, careening codependent a phrase borrowed from an Al-Anon member who needed help, I also had a personal stake in the subject. What happens to people like me? How does it happen? Most important, what do codependents need to do to feel better? And stay that way? I talked to counselors, therapists, and codependents. I read the few available books on the subject and related topics. I reread the basics—the therapy books that have stood the test of time—looking for ideas that applied.
Eventually, I found what I was seeking. I began to see, understand, and change. My life started working again.
Soon, I was conducting another group for codependents at another Minneapolis treatment center. But this time, I had a vague notion of what I was doing. I still found codependents hostile, controlling, manipulative, indirect, and all the things I had found them before. I still saw all the peculiar twists of personality I previously saw. But, I saw deeper.
I saw people who were hostile; they had felt so much hurt that hostility was their only defense against being crushed again. They were that angry because anyone who had tolerated what they had would be that angry.
They were controlling because everything around and inside them was out of control. Always, the dam of their lives and the lives of those around them threatened to burst and spew harmful consequences on everyone. And nobody but them seemed to notice or care. I saw people who manipulated because manipulation appeared to be the only way to get anything done.
I worked with people who were indirect because the systems they lived in seemed incapable of tolerating honesty. These were people who had cared so deeply, and often destructively, about other people that they had forgotten how to care about themselves.
The codependents felt responsible for so much because the people around them felt responsible for so little; they were just taking up the slack.