False Prophet Ronald Weinland

False Prophet Ronald Weinland made a rare visit to Cincinnati yesterday for the Christmas Day sermon, joking that he needed a name tag so people would recognize him.  People traveled from neighboring states and as far away as Colorado for the event.  Twenty-something Joey Shockey gave the opening prayer, and Evangelist Johnny was on hand to give the closing.  Ron mentioned that 19 Cincinnati-area members have been made elders.  By one estimate, that’s a third to a fourth of the members, at this rate most of them will be elders by the time Christ doesn’t return on Pentecost of 2012.

Ron continued to recycle his blog posting from back in January about the ordination of women and how women have been abused.  Profound changes are due next year, although Ron is planning for a full Feast of Tabernacles expecting that he’ll be able to have it.  (I expect the same thing).  And Christ definitely is returning in 2012 but if he doesn’t there will be a sermon on the topic.  Ron mocked people who believe what they read on the Internet.  Ron needs to take his irony supplement given all the nonsense he’s put on the Internet.

False Prophet Ronald Weinland was in Columbia, Missouri this weekend.  Shawn Christal gave the opening prayer asking for God to watch over the Internet connection.  Shawn doesn’t have a good track record with that, and this time the connection was lost during Weinland’s brief announcements.  Weinland’s brother-in-law and senior elder Scot Cameron gave the closing and was to remain at the podium to help ordain yet more anonymous elders following the services.

Ron is cooking up yet more new truths, promising a carrot to be delivered in the next few weeks.  Somehow involves ordination and families.   Whatever.   His sermon was a continuation of a series focusing on about the relationship between husbands and wives.  He mentioned how to get along with unconverted mates, the reality is that PKG members are ending relationships with their spouses who don’t drink Ron’s Flavor Aid.

Friday was the 16th anniversary of the opening of the 1st seal by Joseph Tkatch in Atlanta.  Tuesday was the 2nd anniversary of the blowing of the first trumpet, and we’re still waiting for 1/3rd of our grass to die and the 2nd trumpet.  Tomorrow is the 2nd anniversary of Weinland’s curse on me for a speedy death from the inside.  And less than 75 weeks until the non-return of Jesus Christ.

Things in PKG have settled down as Ron hunkers down waiting for the Great Tribulation to strike, ordaining more and more of the deluded to break up the boredom.  Rambo pointed out that two years of the Great Tribulation have elapsed since December 14, 2008.  I would correct that slightly to the end of 2 years of the Second Great Tribulation, as the First Great Tribulation began on April 17, 2008.

My irony supplements must be waning, because it took Martin to point out that while Ron’s sermon last Saturday was titled “Curses to Blessings” that his member Doug went from disabling strokes to yet more disabling strokes.  Strokes can be serious, my mother suffered a mild one and exhibited noticeable aphasia and short-term memory losses for some time.

Elsewhere in CoGland things are getting interesting as the United Church of God flies apart.  Thielogical Bob put up a post entitled “UCG Loses in Kansas City” which started off with the following “2/3 of the UCG members in Kansas (excluding KC Metro) have broken off to form COG-KS…All of Kansas EXCEPT the KC metro area was involved in this split.  This encompasses Salina, Wichita, and everything West in KS…”.  Surprisingly, Bob corrected the title to eliminate the word “city”.  I say “surprisingly” because he has refused to address contradictions or errors even when pointed out.  The article mentions UCG pastor over central Kansas, Ed Dowd, as remaining in UCG.  Ed is the son of Ron’s traveling senior elder Ralph Dowd.

From articles written by James Malm (who engaged in prophetic “speculations” centered around the dates in Ron’s present timeline well before Ron adopted it), the liberals have taken over UCG and the conservatives are not very happy.  Thielogical Bob criticizes UCG government, including a picture of the ruins of Laodicea whenever he posts about UCG.  I fully expect that after Bob’s favorite false prophet Rod Meredith dies that the Living Church of God will splinter apart, not immediately, but after several years.  UCG has its own dissident web site authored by “Abigail Cartwright” which seems to be the pen name of a team of people.  Clarion Call Dave Pack circles UCG like a shark around a sinking ship — Google searches for UCG are likely to render a sponsored link for his own little CoGlet (RCG) which in some respects is worse than PKG.

False Prophet Ronald Weinland spoke yesterday in Vancouver, WA,which is across the river from Portland.  Last weekend he ordained 4 new associate elders in Dallas, but to find out who they are you’ll have to email your elder.  So all you folks in Dallas will have a hard time finding someone to baptize you  when the Great Tribulation hits sometime within the next 76 weeks.  Ron announced that he wouldn’t be making many announcements in the future, it seems that he doesn’t appreciate my services. So everyone will be without baptismal service when the time comes. If all the bloggers stopped posting about Ron’s activities, he would probably crow to his deluded followers that his death curse took effect, but privately he would be disappointed to lose the attention.

His sermon was on relationships.  PKG members of the opposite sex should not communicate privately, even by email, only if their spouse is involved.  Prophecy is not spiritual.  Spirituality is how you treat others.  The reality is that all of Ron’s prophecies are eventually spiritualized.  And based on horror stories, the treatment of family members who are not also in PKG doesn’t matter.

Ron mentioned the biblical concept of proving all things, by trying them out.  Too bad that PKG members won’t do that with Weinland’s teachings, prophecies and otherwise.

False Prophet Ronald Weinland was in Dallas this weekend.  Our formidable prophet is getting lazy, continuing with the split sermons he started as he recovered from his appendectomy.  Johnny Harrell traveled all the way from Georgia to speak.  He spoke for about an hour, but the last part is missing from the sermon posted on the PKG website.  Did Johnny say something wrong?  Or were there technical problems as there were last weekend?  Actually, the problems the prior weekend were not technical.  The problems were between the Spokesman Witness’s ears, as he failed to plug in his laptop. Since God was asked in the opening prayer to look over the Internet connection, why didn’t he induce Ron to glance at his laptop and note that it wasn’t plugged in?  Ron, God isn’t with you.  Maybe you should put together a checklist so you can verify your setup.

Johnny gave a pep speech, urging PKG members to remain faithful and resist sin as there are only a few months left.  Members are being prepared for what’s going to happen in the very near future.  But then things were to start happening in 2008 and now it’s two years later.  Jesus Christ’s non-return on the eve of 2012 Pentecost is now less than 18 months away.  Ron repeated on this theme.

Ron continues to tighten the information flow.  This blog must be on his mind, he even made a mocking reference to a mocking reference.  Whatever.  Anyway, he told the Dallas area PKG members to remain seated after the closing prayer so he would be conducting ordinations.  But it seems that the Dallas area members lack qualifications, as he imported Ralph Dowd from Ohio to give the opening prayer.  Interesting.  Most long-time PKG members will probably be ordained by the time Christ doesn’t return in less than 77 weeks.

Exact quotes from “2008: God’s Final Witness”:

Page 3: “These events are occurring exactly as these books describe.”

Page 4: “The proof of the validity of my first book, and now this one, is in the timing and the destruction that follows, exactly as both books describe.”

Page 8: “Only God Himself can prove what is true by bringing to pass exactly what He has said. Only the next few years can prove whether or not these two books are true and of God. If nothing happens, then you can know positively that this is complete fiction.”

Page 21: “These two (and others who know them) know exactly the day when Jesus Christ will return. These two will know positively when God gives them this power, and from that time they know that exactly three and one-half years remain.”

Page 22: “They know the exact day that Jesus Christ will return because they know their final work will last exactly 1,260 days. It is exactly at this point that they will be killed”

Page 61: “At the opening of the Seventh Seal, the fulfillment of a physical duality will begin exactly when devastation strikes the United States first. This country is the focus for the beginning of great tribulation which will strike the earth in the final three and one-half years that precede the return of Jesus Christ”

Page 89-90: “God will reveal who His two witnesses are regardless of whether people choose to believe them or not! God will increasingly give more proof of His spokesman as prophecies unfold exactly as they are recorded in this book. When the Seventh Seal is opened, the first four trumpets of that seal will announce the final demise of the United States and her closest allies. The opening of this seal will be the beginning of the final three and one-half years of great worldwide tribulation.”

Page 107: “I have also made a petition to the ETERNAL God of Abraham. My petition is that this first phase of the Fifth Thunder be fulfilled exactly as it is written here. This request is so that scattered brethren who are asleep might be awakened and know that God has granted them the opportunity to repent and return to Him at this time. Also, it is so that they may know that I am His end-time prophet, His spokesman for the two end-time witnesses.”

Page 111: “The answer that I am who I say I am will be given by the events described in both books coming true exactly as I have described. This will be the proof that I am God’s end-time witness and spokesman. But before great power is given to me to perform miraculous events similar to those of Moses (but with far greater power), once the Seventh Seal is opened and the final three and one-half years of worldwide tribulation begins, God has reserved these Seven Thunders for me to declare.”

Page 118: “When we are told that a third of all plant life will be destroyed, that is exactly what it means.”

Page 174: “Not only that, God also will move the spirit world to facilitate in limiting the great tribulation to exactly three and one-half years.”

Page 244, the last page: “Indeed, only a very short time remains before it will be evident that I am who I say or that I am not.”

Exactly.