I Get Email

Today I heard back from Alvin.  Seems he visited this blog again and took exception to my last posting.  Alvin wrote:

There isn’t much of a problem with my grammar.When I am in a hurry I don’t focus on my grammar.Yes I do have someone who is editing a book that I am writing and they are helping me with my grammar;thank you.

They (your editors) certainly have their job cut out for them.  Looks like you’re in a hurry all of the time.

Give you a Prophecy here is one for you.Luke 11:29.How about Mark:11:27-33.Here is another word for you Matthew23:31-34.It is people like you that I will face and will probably do to me as Jesus talked about in these passages.

I looked up these verses, the first two don’t read as prophecies.  Now the last one sort of does read as one, but I have never killed or crucified anyone.  And my fun at your expense on my blog hardly counts as flogging in a synagogue.

I know nothing about you or Ronald Weinland.I was doing a background check on him and came across a site where he was called a False Prophet.Do I have a prophecy;yes I do several.Five hundred pages many with prophecies in my journals.Have he shown me destruction coming to the Great U.S.A. yes he has.Will I share anything with you ;no I will not.

Oh, darn.  I guess I’ll just have to wait like everyone else to see what happens.  I’m wondering, why would a prophet choose to do a background check on another prophet?  Checking out the competition, huh?

You just keep on doing what you are doing.

Thank you for your permission.  I shall.

And by the way it was the Holy Spirit that led me to the site where you posted my e-mail and talked about my grammar and asked for a Prophecy.

Oh it wasn’t the holy spirit.  It was a Yahoo search for “ronald weinland false prophet”.

Here is one just for you.I live in a small town and I gave the people here a prophecy.In several messages they were told to REPENT or else.A town of 1450 people and in the last 5 years that I have been here there is an average of 15 deaths a year this year already.Excuse my grammar,but to be honest God isn’t concerned about it.

Now that one I can agree with — God is not concerned with your grammar.  As far as your prophecy, let’s see: about 1% of the people in your small town die every year.  Doing the math, at that rate everyone alive there will be dead in 100 years.  Imagine that!!! Doing a bit of research, the death rate in the U. S. is 8.2 deaths per thousand which is about the same death rate in the much smaller sample size of your small town.

Any other prophecies you can point to, specific and documented, that came to pass?  Or are you going to pronounce a death curse on me?  Like the one Ronald Weinland pronounced on me for a speedy death a year and a half ago?  And here’s a prophecy back for you.  Matthew 24:11.  On second thought, I’m not too sure it applies to you.  Tell me, does anyone actually believe you?

16 Comments

  • Matt says:

    I am a prophet too, and so is my wife.

    We should start a club, where we quote bible passages at each other and pretend that the traditions of neolithic goat-herders from the fertile crescent are in fact hard scientific truths, that the earth was created a few thousand years ago, and that we are powerful wizards able to hurl holy-ghost magic at whoever offends us. We shall pretend that we have a direct line to god, who cares more for us than for everyone else, because no-one else really understands him like we do. This will make us feel great, and we will smirk a little at all the plebs who are deaf and blind and just cannot see how special we really are. What fools are they to call us deluded! The only reason we hide our awesome prophet-power is because to do otherwise would be prideful, and would make it too easy for the sinful masses to pretend to be virtuous. If it wasn’t for that, we would be humbling our detractors as we speak. But don’t worry. They will get theirs. Once we are the second in command of Jezus, they will be the first against the wall. It is all part of gods plan, and probably ineffable.

    This will be great, because then we won’t have to feel like ordinary, not particularly special people with ordinary lives and ordinary concerns. All the little setbacks and pitfalls that life throws at us can be seen as proof of the hand of god guiding our steps, or testing us, and our humdrum everyday life transforms into an existence bubbling over with cosmic significance.

    We can then start to interpret anything bad that happens to whoever doesn’t believe us as a sign from god. Also, any weather events, natural occurrence, fluctuation in the macro- or micro-economy, political happening… hell, we can see the hand of god in songs that come up on the radio, JUST when I was thinking about that particular song! Truly, we live in a world of wonder.

  • jack635 says:

    I wish all these self proclaimed prophets would READ one of the gospels from cover to cover. They always seem to dwell on the sentences they like and ignore the rest, which convicts them of being either a false prophet or just plain selfish.

    Alvin, don’t you know you are not supposed to bring any money or food on your gospel mission? And the way to get people to pronounce you as a prophet is to heal the sick while you are hanging around preaching the gospel?

    Why do you need to write a book when the Testimony of Jesus Christ has been published all over the world? Are you saying that Jesus has a flaw in his ministry?

    Before you start preaching, maybe you should read that bible you are going to be carrying around and waving at people while you do…………whatever it is you are going to do. No one is a true prophet if they have to tell another person that they are a prophet.

  • Kevin says:

    It’s like that old adage about the bus…you wait all day for one then two come at once? deary me, I just don’t know how you people on this blog have the stamina and wit to tolerate the garbage spewed from the mouths of the deluded? but Im glad you do…

  • xHWA says:

    Oh noes! I can has prophecy? Cousin Eddie iz in ur blog filling it wif typos.

  • Baywolfe says:

    Religious Fervor or Mental Illness. You make the call.

  • Atrocious says:

    Mental illness in the form of religious fervor. How in the world do these people get it in their heads that they are prophets and chosen ones? What delusion! What ego! What crock!

  • Matt says:

    Thats it – I’m going to have to smite you all now. Pretty soon something completely unrelated will happen to you all, and it will be evidence of my awesome prophet powers.

  • Matt says:

    I also curse mike to speedily have to pay some taxes somewhere in the short to middle future, from the inside of his bank account.

  • Steve says:

    Baywolfe said “Religious Fervor or Mental Illness. You make the call”

    I’d say mental illness that leads to religious fervor or he (alvin) could be just a puppet sent by ron weinland to waste mike’s time to distract him from focusing on weinland and thus stop him from exposing the insane lying false prophet so well as he has been….never dismiss any possibility.

    Quote by Alvin;

    “And by the way it was the Holy Spirit that led me to the site where you posted my e-mail and talked about my grammar and asked for a Prophecy”

    Hmm ok if the holy spirit led you to this site, how d you know its the holy spirit as multiple thousands of people say the holy spirit showed them this or showed them that on a particular piece of scripture for example….BUT yet multiples of thousands and thousands others say they too are led by the holy spirit but yet have a COMPLETELY different interpretation of a particular scripture than the other multiple thousands who claim the holy spirit led them…..its not logical and therefore it is definately most certainly without a doubt 100% fact that the holy spirit did not lead you to anything as if this is the case it would say that God is confusion and according to your book the bible, it says God is NOT the author of confusion which….think about it.

    Oh yeah almost forgot your other quote Alv;

    “It is people like you that I will face and will probably do to me as Jesus talked about in these passages.”

    There is a simple reason for this Alvino (if it were true which it isnt)…and this simple reason is?…that you are so much of a pansy ass (like most Christians) that you “commit suicide” by LETTING people wup yo ass left right and center and then sending you to the slaughter. You killed yourself (in this dellusional futurist fictional setting) and your family and friends by encouraging them to be like you and thus makes you and others like you with such attitudes “murderers” and willing murderers at that….so when you jack into your fantasy virtual reality of illusion that you call the “foretold” persecutions of the bible etc…remember that you get what you deserve as you never lifted a finger to help anyone but encouraged them all to commit suicide just like you.
    Reap it.

  • Kirrily Xpkg says:

    Matt, you are a classic! Love it!! Can you exclude me from your smite list if I start paying tithe to you? Do you accept Visa?

  • Dave says:

    Hey hey, hang on just a minute folks!
    Alvin may just be the real deal. Not once in the Bible does it state a chipmunk can’t be a prophet of God. 🙂

  • ‘Atrocious’ said: “How in the world do these people get it in their heads that they are prophets and chosen ones?”
    Could this be a possible explanation? :-
    “One day, a long time ago, you had a fantastic dream. You dreamed that you were a very important person because a deity seemed to be talking directly to you. You made the mistake of taking it seriously. You did not realize that dreams should not be taken seriously unless they are being interpreted by qualified professionals. They could be so-called daydreams that you experience when you are very tired, or when you are under the influence of legal or illegal substances. Dreams are often based on a mixture of old memories and recent experiences. In your case, the memories could have been of times when respected authority figures were explaining things that seemed to be amazing to your young ears, and recent experiences could have been when you were listening to charismatic religious speakers. However, it doesn’t matter what the dreams were based on – what matters is that you do not deceive yourself, and do not act on your dreams in the waking world. What you definitely should not do is drag innocent people into the deception.”

  • Matt says:

    Indeed – salvation can now be purchased by visa, and you get a discount if you set up a direct debit. It comes with a 30 day money back guarantee – order now, and receive a handsome book of custom prophesies in a handsome faux-leather cover.

    Dave – we shall worship Alvin at the bird-feeder of the Lord!

  • Steve says:

    “Alvin may just be the real deal. Not once in the Bible does it state a chipmunk can’t be a prophet of God”

    hehe 😉

  • Atrocious says:

    Well, I predict that the earth will continue rotating and the sun will rise in the east and set in the west tomorrow and from hereafter until it stops. I predict that clouds will continue to bring forth rain and that the sun will continue to bring forth heat. I predict that the oceans will continue to make waves on the seashore. I predict that everyone will die sometime, and a new generation will be born. Hey! I guess that makes me a prophet! Oh wait – I didn’t say “I prophecy”…I said “I predict”. So I guess that makes me a “predictor”.

    Alvin! ALVIN!! AAAAAAAAAAALVIIIIIIIIINNNNNN!!!!!!!!

    heeeheeeeheeeeheheheheheheheeeeeeee.

  • Aggie says:

    LOL, at least Alvin is marginally less insane than the Paki(stani) who persisted in the delusion that he was Weinland Witless 2IC, even AFTER I broke it to him the little woman had already been signed up for that duty, because Rotten Ron wanted to keep the riches “All in the Family” if yannowhatImean. (Pakistani dude didn’t believe me about BI, either, IIRC.)