More Acts to Follow

False Prophet Ronald Weinland spoke from Columbia MO today.  His elder Shawn Christal apparently has figured out how to pray properly for proper functioning of the Internets as there were none of the glitches experienced on past visits.  And we got to hear Speedy Sam stumble through the closing prayer.

Ron has done some plotting and planning to stretch things out.  Ron is still singing the same song about the 2nd trumpet that he was singing on Mike McConnell’s show just over a year ago — we might not have “nukular” explosions for another year, or even longer.  A number of 45-90 day periods since the first trumpet blew for the second time on Dec 14, 2008, and more to go.

030503-N-6197C-002The baptism ceremony has been modified so that it can be done mass production style.  Under the old ceremony, the inductee is pushed under the water by the officiating elder (Ron stays on the side of the pool) and then after coming back up the elder lays hand on the inductee and prays.

In order to allow 100 elders or so to baptize hundreds of thousands of people, or even millions, the baptism ceremony is modified.  One elder will be able to baptize dozens of people at once, as the inductees will immerse themselves as the elder calls out synchronized dunking.  After which, instead of providing individual attention by actually laying hands on the inductee during the prayer,  the elder will pray over the group and then have them walk by so he/she can tap them on the head.  Reminds me of my first day of military service.

Ron has reviewed the validity of baptisms performed in other groups outside of PKG.  According to his new rules, any baptism will be invalid which was performed by any other group after Pentecost of 1998 when the church was reorganized with Elijah-to-come Ron leading it.  The only groups performing valid baptisms before that date would be the United Church of God and the Global Church of God, and WCG prior to the abomination of desolation on Dec 17, 1994.  For those unfamiliar with these organizations, UCG was formed by ministers who left WCG after Tkach’s apostasy of 1994 and Weinland was in UCG until May of 1997.  Global CoG was formed by Rod Meredith prior to Tkach’s apostasy — Global is now defunct as it went down the tubes after Rod Meredith abandoned it and its debts in a power struggle taking most of the members with him into the Living CoG.  In a moment of irony, Weinland stated that Flurry’s Philadelphia CoG was invalid because it is headed by a false prophet.  Gee Ron, how do we know that what Flurry has prophesied is false?  Maybe it’s true, but just hasn’t happened yet, huh?

According to Ron, the book of Acts is not complete as it will need to be expanded to record events within PKG.  He said that the ranks of the elders would swell to 700 eventually as some of those baptized within WCG prior to the opening of the first seal on Dec 17, 1994 join Ron’s church.  People of that pedigree would be eligible to become elders.

It looks like Ron has mined out those with a doomer mindset that can be sucked in with an expensive Google Ads campaign, and is now looking to “the scattering” for fresh meat.  Ron, don’t count your chickens before they hatch.  I pointed out to my mother, who having been baptized in WCG well before 1994 is quite eligible, that she could be ordained an elder.  Her reaction was somewhat south of enthusiastic. Ron, not everyone is impressed by the signs and lying wonders of the Son of Perdition.

All this baptizing will be going on while the US conquered by the beast power, and Ron will be in Europe interceding with the beast to allow his followers to keep the sabbath. Next he’ll be calling himself Moses. “Let my people go!!” (Ron, let your people go.) I wonder if Ron’s exit will be advanced should the IRS put a case together soon.  Ron’s Witness powers are not to be used for trivial things like proving that he actually is a prophet of God.  But they can be used for issuing curses against mockers like myself for a speedy death.  Which I must have experienced shortly after he issued his sentence on me 64 weeks ago, because after all Ron is a true prophet of the God of Abraham.

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26 Comments

  • Whisper says:

    Conquered by the beast power… ya well Europe, and Germany in particular, had best get a move on as they are way behind schedule. They do not have the unity, the political alliances, the military power nor the economic powers needed for such a union. In fact I can not see any signs of such a coming togethor or any man or organization making any attempt at such.
    Poor Germany, so very lost in its way. The poor thing doesn’t even know it it supposed to be the heart of the evil empire in Gods Revelation to mankind.
    And what is that sad pathetic excuse for a evil beast nation doing?
    Is it expanding is required miliatry power to execute Gods commands via Ron?
    Is it politically taking over its neighbors minds and hearts to bring about the evil Europe?
    Is it at least explosively changing its own peoples minds and hearts toward EMPIRE?
    Nope, just moving right along not taking Ron seriously at all.
    Poor poor Germany… it has no idea of it’s destiny via the Witless of God and it’s not even trying.
    Someone needs to sit Germany down and tell it which way the wind is blowing for goodness sake.

    Go figure?

  • Mark says:

    Maybe God was waiting for Ron to figure out a baptismal process that would work. Just think- he could have been working on that years ago and maybe we would be a lot further along than we are. Thanks Ron for holding up the ship.

  • jack635 says:

    I caught most of Ron’s new baptism rules in his latest sermon. Now back when I was a little baby, a Capt or Major poured water on my head in an air force station chapel. I wonder if Ron would recognize my baptism or would he require me to be dunked? Or am I going straight to hell?

  • Mike (DDTFA) says:

    Jack, put on your asbestos suit because you’re going straight to hell 😀 Ron would not recognize your baptism for several reasons:
    (1) baptism is only for adults. As a baby you’re not capable of repenting
    (2) you were only sprinkled, not dunked (fully immersed)
    (3) a Capt or a Major couldn’t have been a member of one of the eligible church organizations as military service would have been prohibited in them. Particularly in your case as WCG was the only eligible organization in existence when you were a baby.

  • jack635 says:

    I had a feeling the news would be dismal. But I won’t put on my asbestos suit just yet, I’m sure Ron would take a bribe.

  • Mal says:

    Mike

    The only method of baptism described in the Bible is full immersion and carried out on adults isn’t it?

  • Aggie says:

    “According to Ron, the book of Acts is not complete as it will need to be expanded to record events within PKG.”

    Great, so the Insane Lying False Prophet is now writing Bible fanfic. So much for the infallibility of the Bible. Then again, this is the same joker who uttered the immortal question Why would anyone want to use anyone in Judaism as an authority in Hebrew?”

    Keep digging, Weinland; you were preaching that “the scattered church” would flock to PKG’s doorstep in the thousands on Feb 9, 2008. Well over two years later, and your group is even smaller.

    Mal, if you want to be dunked just to say you were dunked, consider the JWs, the SDAs, hell, even the Mormons will dunk you! And any of those groups are a much better choice than PKG.

    (So I guess the non-trinitarian/non-Christianity of the church didn’t put you off huh? *sigh*)

  • RK says:

    In a previous post, “A Plague of Butts”, I jokingly made a comment about Ron coming up with a method to baptize people in mass numbers, thinking to myself, that Ron wouldn’t actually go that far.

    And now to see that he has. Amazing.

    And speaking of the validity of baptisms, I remember Herbert, in different articles, making a big thing about the laying on of hands, that a person didn’t really receive the Holy Spirit until hands were laid on them, and he (Herbert) would quote scriptures to back it up.

    And now Ron says that laying on of hands isn’t necessary?

    Who does he think he is?

  • Mike (DDTFA) says:

    Guess we’ll have to call RK a true prophet 😀

    Who does Ron think he is? A lot of people. We’ll have to start calling him “Legion” 😉

  • Mike (DDTFA) says:

    Aggie said: “Mal, if you want to be dunked just to say you were dunked, consider the JWs”

    I take exception to that. In fact, from what I’ve heard about the JW’s they’re even worse than PKG.

  • Aggie says:

    Mike,

    That’s impossible. JWs aren’t tying their members down to firm dates, again and again—at least, not anymore.

  • Mike (DDTFA) says:

    There are other things to consider besides the false prophecy part. Weinland’s members can use modern medicine, which is an improvement over Armstrongism as it was when I was required to warm the hard metal folding chairs. And I’ve never heard even a hint of PKG members involved in child sexual abuse.

  • jack635 says:

    The only method of baptism described in the Bible is full immersion and carried out on adults isn’t it?

    Hi Mal
    Acts 10:47 describes how people received the Holy Spirit before they were baptised. They were then baptised at a centurions house with water. I am sure there are other places in the NT which describe baptism without immersion.

  • Aggie says:

    Speaking of the book of Acts, don’t forget Pentecost — most Christian churches take that allegory to give them license to baptize with a ceremony that involves marking a cross on the sheeple’s head with oil, and that’s the only true “Christian” baptism — at least as far as the Great Whore and her Harlot Daughters are concerned, LOL.

    Didn’t know the JWs were still against modern medicine, Mike, I thought that was the Christian Scientists. Hard to keep them all straight, LOL. As for child sex abuse, let us not forget Herbert Armstrong’s experience with that.

    Remember, this is the man Weinland has usurped as THE end-time Elijah. Not much of a hero to look up to, Ronnie-boy!

    (The Tangled Web is available on the web, if you want to look it up; unfortunately it’s in French, and I haven’t found a good translator to yet do it justice.)

  • Mike (DDTFA) says:

    Yeah, I might have got JWs mixed up a bit with other groups. Although they will refuse blood transfusions even in life-threatening situations.

    And Herbie’s not a PKG member. If Herbie somehow came back to life, Ron would find some reason to minimize him further.

  • Ronald Weinland :-
    You are playing with fire again.
    “If anyone adds to these things God will add to him the plagues that are written in this book; and if anyone takes away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part from the Book of Life…”
    The Book of Acts was complete when it was written nearly two thousand years ago. The original author knew nothing about you or PKG (believe it or not!). Obviously this is further proof that you are not a Christian. Further, you are deceiving yourself if you think you could be one of the 144,000.
    I think none of your prophecies have come true. You don’t have any of the Witnesses’ powers. You are most likely suffering from delusions of grandeur. You are guilty of religious fraud and extortion.
    You are shamelessly hiding behind your nation’s First Amendment. You need to be exposed as a fraud, with your Emperor’s New Clothes, for all the world to see and scorn.

  • jack635 says:

    Obviously this is further proof that you are not a Christian. Further, you are deceiving yourself if you think you could be one of the 144,000.
    I think none of your prophecies have come true. You don’t have any of the Witnesses’ powers. You are most likely suffering from delusions of grandeur. You are guilty of religious fraud and extortion.

    I agree.
    And if any two agree………….

  • Aggie says:

    “If Herbie somehow came back to life, Ron would find some reason to minimize him further.”

    Hahahaha can you imagine what “the scattered church” would think of him then?? Most of them think he’s a few sandwiches shy of a picnic NOW, but that kind of blasphemy won’t be tolerated!

  • GD says:

    Hiding behind his nations first amendment ! ? I wonder if any of the countries he travels to collecting his ill gotten gains could prosecute him for religious fraud or extortion ??

  • Mike (DDTFA) says:

    Unfortunately, I suspect that the other nations of “modern Israel” have an equivalent tolerance for fraud done in the name of religion, even if not codified in something equivalent to the First Amendment to the US Constitution. Consider Brian Tamaki down in New Zealand and Australia.

    Hopefully if Ron is guilty of tax fraud then justice will be satisfied for that.

  • matt says:

    Awesome. All ready for the hundreds of thousands of converts that will come swarming in once the trumpets kick in. Now what else will we need? Larger pockets for ROn, for starters. Maybe we can try to get in on the ground floor and corner the market for uncomfortable folding chairs? We’d make a mint, as they will need thousands upon thousands of them.

    Personally, I intend to make the smartest investment of all and begin developing the bobble-head Ronald statuette, soon to be placed on millions of dashboards across the world.

  • Atrocious says:

    Matt said: “Personally, I intend to make the smartest investment of all and begin developing the bobble-head Ronald statuette, soon to be placed on millions of dashboards across the world.”

    Oh now wouldn’t that just inflate his already inflated head? A bobble-head Ronald Statuette – when the car moves, his head will go in all directions, just like it does now; yes, no, maybe, that way, this way – a true rendition of the already-bobble-headed lunatic. What an accurate picture. LOL

  • Aggie says:

    LOL how do you like them mockers now Rotten Ron? Third timeline’s the charm! We’re pulling for ya! 😉

  • RK says:

    “Personally, I intend to make the smartest investment of all and begin developing the bobble-head Ronald statuette, soon to be placed on millions of dashboards across the world.”

    Don’t forget to include the multi-colored propeller cap!

  • Kirrily XPKG says:

    I already have a picture of Ronnie on my Bathtime Tsunami Generation Device, but a bobble head rotten ronnie would be awesome!!!

  • Aggie says:

    Drinking game, anyone?

    It’s a crying shame Hotlinkfiles disappeared — it was the only good file host that would embed properly in WP. Then you would all have the exquisite horror of hearing the False Witless sing. (It was edited out of the Passover service after we made fun of him for it.)