Restoring All Things

False Prophet Ronald Weinland was a few minutes late getting started since the hall in Orlando needed to be rearranged.  During the announcements, he mentioned Tyler, a child in New Mexico who is undergoing treatment for leukemia.  I view it as a positive sign that he is being given qualified medical care and hope it works for him.

Ron made a point of not giving Tyler’s address as there supposedly are crackpots and weirdos out there who like to stir things up.  That sort of thing does not happen on my blog.   I have not published any of the addresses that have come my way, including that of the false apostle and has-been Elijah.  In fact, I’m not aware that it has happened anywhere except for a couple of incidents in comments which were quickly deleted by the website management. So Ron, whom are you talking about?

During the sermon, he railed against mockers and critics, who seek to destroy Ron and his church with lies and deceit.  Ron, I would like to see your false ministry end, but my means are to show the truth.  As I’ve said before in an email to you which you probably deleted, if I’ve said something on my site that’s not truthful then tell me what it is so I can correct it.  Rather, you impugn what I’m doing because you’re afraid that if more of your members read my site then even more will leave.

dangle_carrotAt the beginning of the sermon, Ron said it would be on the par of his sermons at the 2005 Feast of Tabernacles at which he presented his unique (at least among Armstrongites) doctrine on the origin of Christ.  First he read part way through his blog posting, and then diverted to the new topic.  After reading verses from Acts 8 and Acts 19 about the laying on of hands after baptism possible only by ordained ministers, he announced that there would be additional waves of elders.  These would be termed as associate elders, whose job it will be to baptize the hordes of people wanting to join PKG due to the fulfillment of Ron’s prophecies, which although they didn’t happen when he said they would, they will eventually.

I speculated in my last post that the status of Laura would change.  Its turns out that it has in an indirect fashion.  Laura no longer is the only ordained female in PKG.  It turns out that sleeping with an evangelist gives one spiritual qualities, as Angela (Ann) Wrozek and Myrtle Harrell were ordained by Ron as senior elders last week in Georgia.  Then Ron called Wayne Matthews in Melbourne who then ordained his wife Christine (Chris) as the third senior elder.  More men and women will be ordained as associate elders.

And Laura does have a new title.  She no longer is a prophetess.  She now is a prophet.  Ron objects to the second-class status of women, although they still will not be able to speak during services.

Some of the sealed who are older and physically not capable of performing the baptism are ineligble to be ordained.  Now this doesn’t quite make sense.  If lay members can help in the dunking part, then all they have to really do is the laying-on-of-hands part.  But why am I expecting anything Ron does to make sense.

But adding more elders including does make sense to me.  It binds the ordained ones closer to Ron so they’ll continue to ignore the failure of Ron’s prophecies. Ron plans an elders conference in Cincinnati on February 27 for training.  Ron promises more waves of ordination.  And who knows?  Maybe 20-something Tony Wilson who runs the HWA Compendium website will get to be an elder too.

Ron took time to rail against mockers and critics, who are trying to weaken the church with lies and deceit and who are being eaten up with cancer from the inside.  Now that was his curse in his first timeline — Ron, you said 53 weeks ago that I was to die quickly from the inside.

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23 Comments

  • Dill Weed says:

    Ron’s prophecies are circling the airport. It’s too foggy to land, but they’ll be here shortly.

    Dill Weed

  • Mike (DDTFA) says:

    Well, some of them will. All of the COG ministers that Ron prophesied to die will indeed die. Just not before Christ doesn’t return on Pentecost of 2012.

  • Mark says:

    Ron’s primary purpose is to keep his religious business running. Keeping it all in the family, so to speak, allows more control. So, when are we going to hear a sermon from a woman? It never will happen. That’s not their role.

    Quite silly, really, all these titles. This is what his followers have to sit through (endure) every week and financially support?

  • Kirrily XPKG says:

    Interesting about older people not being able to baptise people.

    When Ron himself baptised me, I was the one in the pool, he was outside the pool, dry, kneeling down and just placed his hand on my head and pushed me under at the side of the pool.

    At least Garner Ted came into the pool with me!!

  • Atrocious says:

    I guess “being eaten up with cancer from the inside” is a “spiritual” cancer. If nothing physical happens, he spiritualizes it because “spirit” is something you can’t see. So, in essence, you are “dying a spiritual death”. Little does he (Ron) know that he is so eaten up with “spiritual cancer” that he is unrecognizable as a human being any more. It’s amazing how everything he blames on his “mockers” is true of himself. He is one sick individual. I hope he finds himself in a mental institution soon, before he hurts somebody (physically).

  • J says:

    “She no longer is a prophetess. She now is a prophet.”

    What, did she have a sex change? She’s a woman. If she wants to act, she’s an actress not an actor. Dammit Weinland! Messing up religion is one thing, but now the English language? Have mercy!

  • PurpleHymnal says:

    “…he announced that there would be additional waves of elders…”

    Milieu control much? The more “invested” the members are (Everybody gets ordained! Yay! Or not.), both financially and emotionally, the less likely they are to flee the Titanic that is Rotten Ron’s swiftly-approaching third timeline.

    2008: God’s Final Witness, is rapidly becoming: 2010: If this is the Great Tribulation, I Want my Money Back!

  • PurpleHymnal says:

    “At least Garner Ted came into the pool with me!!”

    Hey, we all know why he did that, Kirrily! :-P

  • Mark says:

    “When Ron himself baptised me, I was the one in the pool, he was outside the pool, dry, kneeling down and just placed his hand on my head and pushed me under at the side of the pool.”

    You know, that sums up Ron completely. It’s all about HIM! Keep him dry, keep him in nice hotels, keep him on the cruises, keep the focus on him by giving himself new titles. Ron, Ron, Ron.

    His followers support this nonsense.

  • Dennis says:

    ..and if someone did die…it would not be related to Ron. Older people die. I think even in the Bible, when some “enemy” died of natural causes, the church took credit to falsely encourage them to keep on. The only cringe I ever had during a sermon was hearing Joseph Tkach declare that “If I am wrong, may God strike me dead.” That made me uncomfy and well you know……wasn’t long. Still think it was just life but sure could be made into a victory for the piously convicted yet marginally informed types.

  • Kirrily XPKG says:

    A Ronnie Mocking – Part Two….

    After Laura had completed cleaning the Bathroom of the mess Ron had created practising his Bathtime Tsunami powers, she began to make lunch.

    “Oh Ronnie, would you like some lovely Ham in your sandwiches today”.

    “That would be lovely witney (his nickname for the silent witness) – and some prawns on the side”.

    Ronnie decided to use his apostle ‘rights’ to change the law to enable eating ‘unclean’ foods – but only for the witnesses themselves, and the elders.

    “Ya know Witney, God really isn’t politically correct. We’ll be the same. You will now be a Prophet, not a Prophetess. You will remain silent though, as you are a woman”.

    “Yes dear, I agree with everything you say. Thank you for my new diamond ring by the way. Interest free?”.

    “Yes witney, no money down for 3 years – for sure the USA will be gone by then!”.

    “No doubt dear. You are a witness, spokesman, apostle AND an/the/a Elijah to come!!”.

    “That’s right – and I will not let these mockers forget it. Take Dill Weed and Mike, all they ever do is tease me, and tell lies about me – well, their time is short as I have cursed them with a slow speedy death, where they are killing themselves with their hatred and lies. A murder suicide carried out bythemselves, of themselves, to themselves which will prove my awesome powers given to me by God through Jesus which made me who I am today which no one take take away because I know who I am because Jesus told me that God told him that he then passed onto me *breath* that I AM who i say I AM, and I know that I AM who I say I AM”.

    “Calm down dear – I too know who you are who you say you are because you told me – and I believe it because it came into my mind and it is only God who can put things into your mind. Otherwise brains just don’t work – no thoughts come from anywhere else, only God. Or, the Devil. Brains don’t have their own thoughts – God told me, and I am a Prophet and a Witness too!!”.

    “That’s right witney – we just have to start practising our awesome powers. I can’t get over what a sick, sick, sick, sick world this is. It will be a witness, witnessed by us and God’s true church, what an evil, sick, dumfounding world this is. I am dumfounded, but being dumfounded is where the knowledge and wisdom come from, into my own hands *looks at his hands with a smile – knowing their power* and I will soon wield that power by almight God through Jesus who gives it to me! Oh yes, and you”.

    “What are you going to do about the fu***ing IRS? I think we need to meditate and ask God to give us the power to curse them with a painful death”.

    “Indeed witney, indeed. I do believe the tribulation will have really picked up speed by the time that comes around. Besides, Audra can take the heat – that is her job. She is the child of the most formidable prophets of all time. God will give her the power – and we can smite her enemies with our fire”.

    (Wouldn’t you like to be a fly on the wall at the Weinlands house listening to the 2 Witless Wacko’s talk each other up? Would make a great reality TV Show.

    Better yet, a PKG Big Brother!!)

  • Mike (DDTFA) says:

    Now, this story is unbelievable. You had Ronnie say “sick” 4 times in a row. He only repeats words three times in a row :-D

  • Kirrily XPKG says:

    D’oh!! :-)

  • Mark says:

    Until Ron “allows” his wife to speak in church, he shouldn’t be talking about how upset he is about the second-class treatment of women. He is perpetuating it by not allowing his wife nor the wives of his “evangelists” to speak publicly. Their new titles are only symbolic as Ron doesn’t even deem his own wife worthy of proclaiming his message.

  • Whisper says:

    What a nut.

    Getting ready for a huge infusion of believers in little Rons private mental playground. So many people are to come that Ron will not be able to baptize them all? This is retarded, barlely anyone on the planet even knows that a COG-PKG even exists, and much fewer still know anything about it. It’s a religious fringe element of Rons creation.
    The First Trumpet never happened, the 2nd can’t until the first one does, and that it not going to happen.
    There will be no infusion, no 10′s of thousands of psychophants flocking to Ron.
    It’s delusion and still con-man Ron stearing the church away from the dull and into the land of dreams.
    Dreams that never come true are still much more fun than nothing day in and day out.

    I repeat, what a nut. Does this qualify as “mocking”?

  • Mike (DDTFA) says:

    I award 1 flame for mocking to Whisper and 9 to Kirrily. :-D

  • cog says:

    Whisper: psycho-phants!

  • Aggie says:

    “Ronnie decided to use his apostle ‘rights’ to change the law to enable eating ‘unclean’ foods – but only for the witnesses themselves, and the elders.”

    Funny you should say that, Kirrily: Back in the day, right before the changes were unleashed onto the laity, the ministry found out first — and lo and behold, they started living like they had never been members of the church,

    Of course, they never HAD been members of the church. The “Levitical priesthood” had much better lives, for the most part, than us peons whose puppet-strings they were pulling.

  • Aggie says:

    Oh and for the record I still think Weinland’s ramping up the rhetoric so he can plead an insanity defense against the IRS……

  • Whisper says:

    Rons delusional, but it’s questionable that he is a “fool”?
    Ron is attempting, has been attempting, will continue to attempt to blend his desires and requirements as needed. His “Man-of-God” profile needs to place Ron as the very apex of all Holy Men and to be a true “mover & shaker” of the world. Ron’s “Con-man” profile needs money for current and latter use. Rons practical side needs a defense against the IRS. Ron’s envious side needs a nice home, cars, current travel, the luxuries of life.
    Ron, like everyone else, juggles all his aspects. It’s only when ones aspects, like balls being juggled, are thrown to high or to far that it becomes harder and harder to keep them all flowing. Ron’s throwing the balls pretty hazardly. But so far he has been able to keep a following & ergo $$. But it’s very delusional, ergo throwing the “balls” very wide indeed, to make even more speculation that will get the followers ready to be indoctinators into the Church when there will be no mass indoctrinations due to Ron & COG-PKG being so little known by anyone.
    Ron’s church is tiny tiny tiny. Rons delusions see’s it as the biggest thing since sliced bread. But reality see’s it as tiny tiny tiny.
    Go figure?

  • Mike (DDTFA) says:

    Ronnie decided to use his apostle ‘rights’ to change the law to enable eating ‘unclean’ foods – but only for the witnesses themselves, and the elders.

    That’s no problem. Weinland has excused his spiritual idol Herbert Armstrong who ate pork. And now Herbie has been demoted by Ron to only a “type” of the Elijah.

  • Aggie says:

    I wonder why that is though? Must not be too many elders from “the scattered church” if they’re whining and complaining about not being able to eat pork and shellfish……Or maybe Rotten Ron is getting tired of maintaining the charade that he holds fast to any of the doctrines, at all, in any way, shape or form, to begin with.

    Unclean foods is THE major no-no in Armstrongism. Yet another sign the Two Witlesses are getting further and further away from everything the WCG ever represented……Hmmm, didn’t Ronnie call Senior “the man of sin”? ISTR the ministry eating unclean foods because they wanted to, three weeks before the changes hit, because Senior had announced it to the ministers, that eating unclean foods was OK.

    Does that mean Weinland’s fulfilling his own prophecies about Tkach Sr being “the man of sin”??

    Makes sense to me!

  • Aggie says:

    Here’s the main verse we used, in the church, to defend the perversion of Judaism that Armstrong decided would bring in the suckers.

    In the meantime, we were pissing all over a three-thousand-year-old religion that belonged to somebody else.

    Anti-Semitic much? :-(