But I’ve made a fresh post for the discussion to continue. Note any comments here you wish to respond to and click on over to make your response there.

Yes – I do believe, and do view you, as someone who enjoys searching for the truth. Yes, makes sense it’s personality related

Mocking can come out of hurt too – like people react differently to being teased when at school. I (out of hurt) teased right back!! Others would just ignore it and not be bothered, others would react with violence, to the extreme, others would commit suicide.

Please never underestimate the effects that Ron has on other people, because as you have rightly pointed out, you have not been that affected (in terms of having to change your life, tell your husband (in your case wife!!) that you have to go away to a feast and will need money to go, tithe your wages, buy 3 months worth of supplies for tribulation, not try to have a child even though as it is you are leaving it quite late etc etc – like I have.

Please also, do not underestimate how others have indeed put their lives on hold due to Ron, just because you have not (as you do not need to). Again, elderly people showing their ‘Total Resolve’ are now in great financial difficulty because they wanted to prove to God their faith, in obeying Ron. People have spent great amounts of money, in what they thought was in obeying God, through Ron. People like Wayne (unless he has found other work now) would be in great financial stress as he displayed his own Total Resolve. I put having a baby on hold until ‘the world tomorrow’ for 2 years, tithed and gave offerings beyond my means – to show MY total resolve. WO: People HAVE put their lives on hold, and sometimes I feel you minimise this because you have not. Again, believing that nukes were going to go off between April and June 2008 ANY DAY – you can not help but LIVE DIFFERENTLY because of this knowledge alone!!

Again, I do not blame Ron for this – it was MY CHOICE to follow him. I must add too, that I continued with my work, went out for dinners and movies. But again, you LIVE DIFFERENTLY believing that the end (beginning) is ANY DAY NOW. Surely you can see this?

But, just like my analogy above about being teased at school, I have reacted to Ron being false by mocking him – because I am hurt, not bitter (angry sometimes yes, but the anger is at myself, but because that is very painful I sometimes deflect it back to Ron). I was and am very disappointed that Ron did not keep his word by admitting he is false, and LETTING HIS PEOPLE GO.

The deepness in what you will experience when you discover Ron is false, is something that I have tried, but continue to fail, to put into words. It just cuts so deep. Maybe in time I can try and explain it again – but to do this takes reflection into my depths, and right now I just can’t do it.

I too, have gained MANY positives from my experience with PKG – but to a MUCH greater degree, SINCE I have left.

I have definately been given a mirror, and can see myself very clearly – and it is not pretty. I guess that is at the heart of my pain – to see your true self, in your true state – naked and ugly. When all your beliefs are stripped away, and you are standing there – alone, you SEE yourself for the first time. What drives you, what motivates you, what your true heart is, what your true mind is, your rebellion, your thought patterns, your love, your greed, your desires, your fears, your failures, your accomplishments etc etc – when you SEE, and I mean SEE yourself in a brand new light – well, it hurts.

This hurt though, as bad as it is – can lead to GROWTH. As Dr Phil says, “You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge” – I say “You can’t acknowledge what you can’t see”.

I SEE now, and I am in shock.

The shock however, is wearing off (albeit slowly) – and the more I see, and see with greater depth and clarity, the more I can work on myself with God’s help.

When you see your true nature, you know what you need to fight against. What your weaknesses are, and how you can use your newly discovered (seen) strengths to prevail against your weaknesses! The war is with OURSELVES – we are our own biggest enemy (Satan gets WAY too much credit I think!!). When you can truly SEE yourself in ALL aspects, your strengths can become your weapons against your weaknesses. Learning and gaining the ability to harness your strengths in this fashion is something else altogether.

I was blind before, especially whilst at PKG – but it did START at PKG (revealing of yourself to yourself) but has grown expodentially since I left. This is a TRUE positive – but it has come through GREAT PAIN.

This, I would say, is what you could prepare for in some small way. Again, I keep saying, the UNDERSTANDING of what I have said here will NOT become apparent until you LEAVE. You’ll just have to take my word for this. I am sure you have KNOWLEDGE of what I have said, but experiencing it is quite something else. Experience leads to the UNDERSTANDING.

Like you say though, you are a lot less encompassed in all this than I was – so I am sure you will be better off, to a degree.

I hope all this made sense

In saying that, I do believe you are offering this to try and help. I think that is sweet and kind – and THAT is what I keep in mind when I read your posts.

Again with you, I am torn!! I feel many different emotions towards you!! Mostly, I feel like shaking you, telling you to wake up, then giving you a hug!

As far as O is concerned, completely different kettle of fish. I am just too sensitive sometimes, and bite too quickly when all the right buttons are pushed (and they are being pushed).

That’s why I apologised to O.

I have never been good at writing when it comes to my emotions, and I get very frustrated as I can’t get them out – either verbally or written. I seem to be unable to convey my thoughts and feelings with true clarity. I can write about other things, but when it comes to my inner workings – I understand in my mind, but I can’t get it out!! SO FRUSTRATING!!